So, some of my friends are really aware I'm not Christian, but I don't really talk about why. I may as well share. I have often joked I went to Villanova to cope with my Southern Baptist upbringing. Now, my family didn't directly teach me the stuff I had to unlearn; church and sunday school did that. But a few instances stand out for why I left the church. In no particular order, they are:
An Easter sermon in 97 or 98. The pastor was giving the usual message when he told the congregation, "Mohammed isn't risen from the dead! Buddha isn't risen from the dead!" Technically, he is correct because neither religion teaches they are. Mohammed ascended to heaven directly; Buddha broke the cycle of reincarnation. But the dishonest to refute claims not made by the religions so attacked sat wrong with me long before I knew about intellectual dishonesty.
I grew up hearing how divorce leads to both parties being adulterers the rest of their lives, even if they remarry. I then found myself in a divorce and carrying the guilt of knowing I condemned both of us to sinful lives no matter what else happens. It was a lot to carry, too much, in fact, for my rigid faith.
At Cherry Point, in 99 or 00, I went to a Baptist church and sat through the call to repent while congregants left and right went to the pulpit to kneel. I had been saved and baptized around 11, so I didn't have to heed the call, but I had so much guilt I felt all eyes were on my, a stranger, for not heeding the call. I doubt anyone gave my a second thought, but again, the weight of that guilt was immense.
My second stint in comm school there was a super conservative guy in my class. He was so hateful and judgmental. His room in the barracks had a sign, "God hates fags." It was so outrageous that even in the Corps in 2001, he had to take it down. I also never saw a look of hate like i saw him give over another NCO's called cadence during a formation run.
Then there's the heaping of unhealthy theology I learned that needed Dr. Simpson and Villanova to unpack. granted, by Villanova, I knew my apostasy, but had a lot to come to terms with. By the time I could see Christianity wasn't just a haven for self-righteous judgment and hate, I had left the church long behind. I am friends with faithful now, but the church has no home for me.
At Villanova I put to rest a lot of issues; my only remaining gospel beef with Jesus is the teaching on divorce. His presentation in the Apocalypse of John is horrific revenge porn. Paul's letters are often problematic shitshows. The commandment to make disciples of all nations is hugely insulting to others. But what Jesus lived and died as is good; I just don't have the problem with sin Christians seem to.
I will never judge for cherry picking the Bible; it's impossible not to. I can justify damn near any position using that collection of texts, so can anyone else. But Villanova also taught me the metric for judging Biblical passages. The Greatest Commandment says, "Love God; love your neighbor." Matthew (IIRC, it could be Luke) adds, "Upon these the laws and the prophets hang." So a biblical passage teaching against love and kindness is neither law nor prophecy; it is a negative example, something to NOT do.
Jesus hung with sinners; tax collectors, fishers, and whores. He was a radical, revolutionary killed by the same attitude many of his followers now exemplify. If I do not worship him, I find his teachings largely worth living. In fact, as some theological friends and I have agrees, Jesus saying he is the way and the light isn't demanding worship; it calls to emulation, to live like him, caring for the poor and the downtrodden. Modern scribes, chief priests, and Pharisees do more trodding and little to no elevating or caring.
Just as I rolled my eyes at "Buddha isn't risen," I roll my eyes at "get right with God." I know what Jesus wants, and it isn't mindless prayer while mistreating the least of these. You may claim I am hedging by saying there is much to admire in his teaching, but I am apostate; I reject the church. Hell, until Francis, my favorite pope got into a "You're the Anti-Christ" shouting match with a Holy Roman Emperor and the runner up dug up his predecessor's corpse to put on trial. Make of this what you will, but I am closer to a godless communist (really a non-theist socialist), but Acts says the first Jewish communist wasn't Marx, but a carpenter's son.
